Dream A Little Dream Of Me

It’s been almost seven months since Michael’s been gone and I can’t seem to dream.  Particularly, I want to dream about Michael.  I’ve even prayed and asked God to let me dream about him.  I so want to see his face again and to hear his voice.  I even know that when I wake up it’s going to be miserable to realize again that he’s not here.  But I don’t care – I’ll willingly be miserable for a few minutes of believing I’m with him again.

Several friends have told me they dream about Michael.  Our kids sometimes dream about him.  One friend told me back when Michael was in ICU that he’d had a dream that he and Michael were out having lunch together at a restaurant.  At the time we thought that was a good sign and that everything would turn out alright.  Others have had dreams of Michael telling them different things, laughing or playing pranks, or even fussing with the guys out on a job site.  I readily admit I’m envious of their dreams.

I’m even getting desperate for a dream!  When Emily and I recently travelled to Africa we were required to take anti-Malaria medicine.  One of the side effects of the medicine for lots of people is vivid and crazy dreams.  So I’ve actually been looking forward to taking this medicine!

A few days ago I took my last required dosage of medicine.  (Dare I take more just to dream? I told you I was getting desperate!)  In the three weeks of taking the medicine I only had one episode.  It was so brief I don’t even think it qualifies as a dream.  One night Michael was standing in front of me and put his arms around me.  And just that quick it was over.  I didn’t even get to look at his face or hear his voice! It was maybe two or three seconds!  It took longer for me to type this sentence than it did for the dream!  I tried to go back to sleep and make it happen again, to make it last longer.  You know what I mean.  Haven’t we all tried to return to a dream?  But no luck.

I don’t put much stock in trying to analyze dreams.  I don’t generally think they have deep meaning or are divinely inspired (except on rare occasions).  I generally just think dreams are the thoughts and sounds that our mind thinks when we’re sleeping, oftentimes influenced by what we’ve done or thought when we’re awake.  It’s not too hard to analyze what my little mini-dream meant.

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you’re fast asleep
In dreams you will lose your heartache
Whatever you wish for you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true
-from Disney’s Cinderella

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