I don’t now if it ‘s because I have much more time alone now than I did when Michael was alive. Or is it just a factor of my age, my circumstance or my desires. But I find myself easily drawn into daydreams of different things. Ideas of what the future could be. And perhaps because Michael isn’t here to hear the things on my mind, I just roll them over and over again.
The trouble is that, in my mind, I can become obsessed with these things. Obsessed to the point that I know it’s not healthy and it’s not in keeping with what God would have me concentrate on. Whether it’s an idea, a place or a person, my mind can become obsessed.
I know the cure. The cure is found in God and His word. I’ve asked him, earnestly pleaded and begged Him, to take these obsessive thoughts out of my mind. He will fight the battle for me. He knows I’m incapable of successfully fighting it myself. Scripture tells me to put on the armor of God. I know this. I’ve studied this. I pray this. But most of all I fall down before God, confessing that I am unable and begging Him to fight for me.
And He does. He has. Some time ago when I felt like I was drowning in obsessive thoughts I cried out to God — actually I begged and pleaded with God to take the thoughts away and replace them with thoughts of Him and His goodness. And He did. It was such a relief to be free; free from what I knew was not God’s will for my life; free to concentrate on pursuing what God wanted for me. And I’m so thankful.
But I have to tell you that I’ve recently slipped back into those thought patterns. Just a little at first, but the slippery slope has pulled me further and further into these daydreams and fantasies. Why does my mind default to these things? Do I not have enough to keep me busy and occupied?
God, give me Your strength to walk away from these thoughts. I lay them at Your feet. Take them and don’t let me ever pick them up again.
Update: Recently I was listening to my TV preacher again. He was addressing the question asked of Jesus as to which was the greatest commandment. He said Jesus couldn’t list just one; His answer was to love God and to love others as yourself. What does this command look like? He boiled it down to three points: First, do nothing to hurt yourself. Second, do nothing to hurt anyone else. Third, let nothing master you.
I can’t seem to get away from these three instructions. I cannot keep thinking the way I have and still have my own best interest and the best interests of others in mind. And these thoughts do become master over me. Clearly to follow these three means I must let go of my obsessive thoughts.
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