I had the chance to go to the movies this week with a girlfriend. We saw a movie called I’ll See You In My Dreams, about a widow and her girlfriends. (Sound familiar? Spoiler alert!) As a result of the movie we had quite a discussion, the conclusion being this: I need to buy some mouse traps, learn to drink more, never speed date and get a younger pool guy. Oh, and I don’t want to get married.
Now I want to preface what I’m about to say with this. I love/loved Michael and loved being his wife. I made promises to love and honor for as long as we both were alive. And if I had my choice I’d still be doing that. I’d keep on doing it til I took my last breath. But I don’t have that luxury anymore. With that being said, I don’t want to be married now.
I don’t want to rearrange my time and schedule. I don’t want to do somebody else’s dirty laundry or cook their meals. I don’t want to keep track of somebody else’s appointments, medications or possessions. I don’t want to learn about somebody else’s bad habits or have them learn about mine. I don’t want to have to explain my life style to anybody or have it judged. I don’t need somebody to support me, pay my bills, or raise a family with. (I’m beginning to hear Helen Reddy sing “I am Woman, hear me roar.”)
This isn’t a feminist rant. But as Blythe Danner said “I’ve been married.” I guess 6 weeks of living on my own have made me selfishly independent or independently selfish. I like being able to decide when and where I go and with whom. I like being able to make decisions about my finances and investments (though I still hate making decisions about insurance). And it’s not as though I didn’t do most of those things when Michael was alive, but it’s just different now.
So what do I want? So glad you asked.
I want FRIENDS. I want people who will go to lunch and go to dinner, who will go to the movies or the theatre, who will explore museums, classical music and opera. People who will have discussions with me about news and opposing views, about faith and God and family. I want new friends to go along with my life-long friends, guy friends and girl friends. And I want young friends as well as older friends. I want friends to take a walk with or ride my bike with and friends to travel around the world with.
So to my girlfriends, you don’t need to set me up, fix me up or hook me up. And to my guy friends, you don’t need to think that I want an involvement. It’s just nice to have people in your life to share ideas with and to spend time with in any variety of experiences. Because most of this world expects you to carry on two by two.
Oh, and if Sam Elliot happens to come by and ask me for lunch … I’ll take that too!