Michael and I became engaged when I was only 19 years old. And while there were a lot of changing roles for women at the time, one thing I never thought twice about was taking his name when we got married. I know not everyone chooses to do this, for various reasons, and that’s certainly an individual choice. But for me it was never a question – I was proud to take his name then and have always been proud to be a Moskau. In fact we got married six months before I graduated from college, so even my college diploma is in the name of Moskau.
But sometimes now, I wonder if my name should still be Moskau. I mean, Michael’s not here anymore. Am I no longer a Moskau?
It’s strange. I know lots of women who divorce and take their maiden name again. I completely understand this. It’s usually a reflection of their wanting to distance themselves from that person or that relationship. But I don’t want to distance myself from Michael or the relationship we had. Yet, it still nags at me – Am I still a Moskau?
I was a Weaver for the first twenty years of my life and I’m proud of that. In fact I’m still proud to be a Weaver. And yet to take the name Weaver again also seems not to fit. I’ve been a Moskau for thirty-eight years. All of my professional career I’ve been known as a Moskau. Legally my name is Moskau. I am the mother of three children whose names are Moskau. The majority of my friends know me by the name Moskau. And yet some days the name Moskau seems to be something that is no longer who I am. It was Michael’s name, and mine only by virtue of being married to him.
So, if I’m not a Moskau, and if Weaver doesn’t quite fit, what am I now?
Just one more quandary that I sometimes find myself in …
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.” Shakespeare