Why did you have to leave when you did? Why do you have to be gone this year? I know that God knew all that would happen in the months following your death. So why did you have to leave now?
In the first year you’ve been gone so much has and will take place. Emily has graduated from college and will be a bride. Why are you not here to cheer for her and walk her down the aisle? Andrew has been ordained. Why were you not here to pray over him like you did all those years? And Christy will have our first grandchild in a few months – a grandson named after you. Why are you not here to laugh with me over the cute baby clothes? And who will help me spoil him terribly?
I don’t understand why you had to die when you did. I makes me wonder if I should have fought harder for you. If maybe I should have refused to listen when you chose to stop the care they were giving you. Maybe I should have fought with you to somehow convince you to keep on going. Was I too tired? Should I have pushed harder through the tiredness of your illness when you could no longer push on? I don’t know the answers. I ‘m just left with questions. I just know my struggles.
Why would God choose now for you to be gone? Why would He not let you continue to mark these milestones and make these memories with us? I know I will never have answers on this side of heaven. And I know when I get to heaven I will no longer care about the answers to these questions.
For now, I occasionally have these moments of wondering “Why?”