Why Now?

Why did you have to leave when you did?  Why do you have to be gone this year?  I know that God knew all that would happen in the months following your death.  So why did you have to leave now?

In the first year you’ve been gone so much has and will take place.   Emily has graduated from college and will be a bride.  Why are you not here to cheer for her and walk her down the aisle?  Andrew has been ordained.  Why were you not here to pray over him like you did all those years?  And Christy will have our first grandchild in a few months – a grandson named after you.  Why are you not here to laugh with me over the cute baby clothes?  And who will help me spoil him terribly?

I don’t understand why you had to die when you did.  I makes me wonder if I should have fought harder for you.  If maybe I should have refused to listen when you chose to stop the care they were giving you.  Maybe I should have fought with you to somehow convince you to keep on going.  Was I too tired?  Should I have pushed harder through the tiredness of your illness when you could no longer push on?  I don’t know the answers.  I ‘m just left with questions.  I just know my struggles.

Why would God choose now for you to be gone?  Why would He not let you continue to mark these milestones and make these memories with us?  I know I will never have answers on this side of heaven.  And I know when I get to heaven I will no longer care about the answers to these questions.

For now, I occasionally have these moments of wondering “Why?”

4 thoughts on “Why Now?”

  1. Ginger, You are kind of like the Psalmist. You are so honest in your feelings and you do not hesitate to ask God the hard questions. But you always come to your faith and understanding at the end. Keep on keeping on.

  2. Oh Ginger, how my heart hurts for what you are going through. And I truly believe that all those feelings and questions are totally normal, so don’t beat yourself up! Your faith will continue to guide you through this journey, and your posts are healing and helping many others that don’t have your gift of expressing them and writing them down. Sending you a great big hug! Love you!

  3. Why? I asked myself that question 17 years ago when My husband passed. He was so young, 48 years old! I can’t believe it was that long ago. Sometimes that question still comes to mind. Then another question comes…when? When would be a good time in my eyes…never. I have to believe it was time. Jesus has been with me ever since. Even when I didn’t feel Him. I have grown closer to Him each day. Thank you Lord for holding me up. I couldn’t put one foot in front of the other without you! Thank you, Ginger for you posts.

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